Wandering Wednesday
What happens when the thing we turn to for comfort becomes the thing that changes us?
Some songs explore temptation. Others explore addiction. And sometimes, a song becomes something much more personal: an attempt to understand the choices we make when we are at our lowest.
From Brinker James' debut album, Wooden Shield, comes “Grand Exchange,” a song about alcoholism, temptation, and the complicated experience of confronting our own moral failings.
When I asked Ben Saunders about the song's origins, he shared something deeply personal. “Grand Exchange” was written after a series of incidents involving alcohol in which he had severely let down his wife, who was his girlfriend at the time. He described feeling lower than he ever had in his life. The song became his way of working through those experiences.
That background changes how I hear the opening lines.
“Walked to a storefront and said ‘It's me, again’
Sturdy aging man said, have you not always been you?”
What initially sounds like a humorous, almost dreamlike conversation takes on a much more personal meaning. The narrator is returning to a familiar place, confronting familiar behavior, and perhaps struggling with the person he has become. Ben explained that the storefront represents a State Store (a government-run shop with a monopoly on selling liquor in Pennsylvania), and the store clerk serves as the "tempter". The sturdy aging man, meanwhile, acts as a "voice of reason". He questions the narrator, challenges him, and even pokes fun at his decisions.
The narrator is caught between these two figures. One represents the temptation he knows all too well. The other represents the part of himself that understands the consequences. Then comes the refrain.
“Turn me to a dancer,
Turn me to a story,
Turn me to a madman”
Ben explained that these words are directed specifically at alcohol itself. This is particularly compelling. The narrator is not simply describing a temptation. He is speaking directly to it, asking it to transform him: a dancer. a story. a madman. Perhaps these are different versions of the person he hopes to become, or different ways of escaping the person he currently is. But the song's transformation is not necessarily a positive one.
“You taste like prayers that tell me it's all been for me
Tell me it's all been for me”
The language of prayer suggests comfort, reassurance, and even a sense of being deserving. Yet the narrator is addressing something that has already caused him considerable pain. That contradiction is at the heart of the song. The temptation offers something that feels good in the moment, even as the narrator knows it may lead somewhere destructive.
Ben also shared something fascinating about the song's musical construction. He wanted the instrumentation to capture the complex disorientation we experience during our weakest moments. As the layers of music build, they represent the compounding emotions and events that can snowball into some of our worst decisions.
Listening with that in mind, the song's atmosphere feels particularly revealing. It is intimate and vulnerable, but it also seems to grow into something almost epic. The music becomes an emotional landscape, reflecting the confusion and intensity of the narrator's internal struggle. Eventually, the characters melt away.
“Then they all melted away.”
Ben explained that by this point, the narrator has abandoned the debate. He has given up arguing with the voice of reason and surrendered to his craving. It is a chilling moment because the decision seems to happen almost without resolution. The temptation wins, and the other voices disappear. The song concludes with another unexpected image.
“A nearby priest saw us all
and shook his head,
But he could not help,
for he was divorced now.”
Even the priest, someone we might associate with redemption, is unable to offer help. His own experiences have complicated the role we might expect him to play. This ending reinforces the song's humanity. People are complicated. We make mistakes. We disappoint others. And sometimes, the people we imagine might have all the answers are struggling with their own lives.
There is also an interesting detail in the song's title. Ben explained that “Grand Exchange” is a reference to RuneScape, a game in which players buy and sell items at a place called the "Grand Exchange". That adds another layer to the song's imagery of exchange. What are we trading? What do we hope to receive? And what might we lose in the process?
When I created the cover artwork for Wooden Shield, I spent a great deal of time thinking about the experiences that shape us, the choices we make, and the ways our lives change. “Grand Exchange” explores a particularly difficult part of that journey. What makes this song especially meaningful to me is that it is not simply an abstract story about temptation. It is rooted in Ben's own experience, and in his effort to confront a painful period of his life through songwriting.
That kind of honesty can be difficult to share. And I think it is one of the things that makes music so powerful.
What do you think we exchange when we give in to temptation?
Listen to the full song at:
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/575F4TQMu4CkKH5GqLqgC8
Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/us/song/grand-exchange/6795075059
Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/tracks/B0HBQL6JZV
Deezer: https://link.deezer.com/s/34OqE3SDXtILmEnRMTtk9
Pandora: https://www.pandora.com/artist/credits/brinker-james/wooden-shield/grand-exchange/TRkvPkZdq95mXrm
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Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brinkerjamesmusic
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